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George Kahn's avatar

I feel the presence of God the most powerfully when I'm alone in nature. I witnessed the solar eclipse in 2017 and I was brought to tears. I will be seeing next eclipse in Indiana next month. I highly recommend every one to see it if you can.

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Tracy Beanz's avatar

It's the same for me, George. I completely agree. I am completely connected when I am by the water or even just in a field. I hope you experience the eclipse in a MAGICAL way coming up here. Thanks for being here..

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Expatmac's avatar

In my experience, moments of great clarity have been birthed by great personal crisis. Welcome to this new chapter of your life. Thanks for all you've done to date. I've learned a great deal from your past writings. Wishing you great joy and love in the time ahead. I hope to follow along.

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Tracy Beanz's avatar

I’m glad you are here. And I agree - for many a “dark night of the soul” is really the gateway to more than you could imagine.

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Mark Howard's avatar

Thank you for sharing this! I can echo all that you were feeling. I too, felt and continue to fend off the anger tearing at me. The decline of our country, Covid lies, vaccine lies, government conspiring against US citizens, J6 etc…has been so disheartening, but keeping perspective through Biblical worldview/endgame, is my only hope. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the corruption.

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Kris's avatar

Your words resonate with me...especially the feeling nothing part, no joy etc... and I have a wonderful life and family..so I've been wondering how DID I get here? Nature does makes me feel closer to God so I've been focusing on getting out in nature more, more face to face interactions with family and friends, reading my bible...and a lot less social media. I'm picking and choosing more deliberately what SM I'll look at and limiting my time on it. Looking forward to your posts though, thanks for choosing to share your thoughts with us.

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Tax Guy's avatar

Listening and watching these past few years, it became clear the fenders , bumpers, and hubcaps were coming off the vehicle of life. Happy to see the vehicle is "in the shop" for a major refit. Can't wait to see & hear the new you back on the track and to absorb the knowledge, insight, and positive passion that was there before. Bless

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William A Saideh Jr's avatar

I found that you were going through some real things in the background of Side of Beanz, the regular show and one of the only people I notifications on Twitter. I understand completely, looking lately into my family's original religion, Syrian Orthodox. I feel sometimes I don't know which way I'm going. God bless you Tracy Beanz, you're an inspiration!

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Tracy Beanz's avatar

Thank you, William. Both my husband and my son and my father in law share your first name! Maybe we can help you with your compass. 🙂

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William A Saideh Jr's avatar

You don't know how you've already been a help in my little world. Funny how you're surrounded by William's .. maybe because we're just damn special!

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Edward Laster's avatar

FWIW I discovered author Josef Pieper a few months ago; book was “Leisure: The Basis of Culture.” Reading it was like how u feel on a jet taking off, where increasing vibration, noise, & drama suddenly give way to calm, quiet, & a different world. Might/might not be worth checking out. Peace.

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Tracy Beanz's avatar

Ed, thank you for the suggestion. I think I will. <3 Thanks for being here. Wouldn't be the same without you.

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Alex Cole's avatar

Tracy, I just recently discovered your work through Twitter and began following you. I'm thankful for all the hard work you've done, but I'm even more thankful that you are learning life/work balance so you can endure and not burn out.

My wife and I are both struggling with the ups and downs of life, but we're thankful that we have each other and the Lord to lean on. I'm looking forward to reading about your experiences. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable so you can be a witness. God's blessings upon you and your family.

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Cynthia's avatar

So glad I stumbled on to this. This is my cup of tea.

I appreciate the work you do in investigative reporting and my heart hurts for the emotional toll it has taken on your heart. I do remember my own turmoil at the beginning of the Covid “awakening” (I do believe that what they meant for evil purposes God used to call many of us out and to open our eyes to the evil). I’m 72 and from a rural farming type background. A simple life and raised my boys in a rural background with hunting, fishing, gardening, animals and no TV. I paid minimal attention to things outside of my sphere of raising two boys, local church , juggling a job and household and making sure we were in the outdoors as much as possible because it’s vital to raising children in my opinion. So many things that I grew up believing about our country and our government and some of our child protective services and even many of our churches and charitable institutions came crashing down when I started digging into the craziness of shots, masking and shut downs. The Lord opened my eyes through many people including you. Some things I watched had me sick to my stomach for days and in complete despair but not disbelief because I was always trying to learn more about Biblical prophecy. All these things are there in my opinion even to the fact that the knowledge of many things was shut up until the last days. That has given me hope and confidence…..even though I want my old comfortable normal ignorant life back sometimes…..I am human.

I pray that you continue your personal life exploration and that you continue to share your journey through your substack here.

All your other work is so important that I hope you can find support and caring and prayer from others here in this Substack writing. You are the same age group as my two boys and their wives. I am going to consider you as an adoptive daughter and pray for your strength and courage and your personal journey through this world’s madness. March on!

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Reggie VanderVeen's avatar

I knew I'd find you on Substack. Love it. Your X series on Quantum Physics led me here. Gotta cull some other subscriptions but I will, no doubt, become a supporter. We share a similar journey. Mine? A lacunar infarct (damage to the thalamus after a vax...dummy that I am) -- a very, very mild one -- got my attention.

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Genette's avatar

Thank you for this. I’ll take this journey with you because none of us who feel this way should walk alone.

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